2014 brought record-low temperatures, and this year is proving to be just as chilly. Your same old gloves and hat may not be enough to weather this year’s polar vortex, so we’ve come up with some creative suggestions.
1. Make like the Inuit and use snow to insulate your house. This is especially effective if your house happens to be constructed of whalebones and animal hides.
2. Drink warm beverages. If you drink enough spiked apple cider, you won’t actually care that you’re cold.
3. Adopt a bunch of cats or dogs and let them sleep in your bed.
4. Make a huge pot of delicious, well-seasoned, hot soup—then take a bath in it.
5. Sew your own homemade Snuggies out of your kids’ baby blankets; they won’t mind.
6. Warm is the new black—invest in some adult-sized footed jammies. This season, there’s nothing hotter than being warm.
7. Start a bonfire using your kids’ old homework and art for kindling; don’t worry, they’ll bring home more!
8. Bake cookies and pies and cakes; your kitchen will be nice and toasty. Basically, never leave your kitchen.
9. Heat dinner rolls, then tuck them into your coat pockets to keep your hands warm. For a gluten-free option, use a bag of rice; for higher fiber, use quinoa.
10. Have sex. This will warm you up faster if you have a partner.
11. Sit on a heat vent (if they’re not already occupied by all of the cats and dogs).